Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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