and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
