All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
love makes seman taste better
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
