Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
