Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The air was thick with penises
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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