I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
