I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize