There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
