When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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