my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
