I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
