This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
