bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
