So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
