I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
