We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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