you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
