i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
