Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
