I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
