It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize