drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pappa wants mamma naked
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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