I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
