my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want to fling myself into the sun
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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