At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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