ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
