Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
