you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
