Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
