I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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