Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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