My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
