In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
