I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
