You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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