Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
