chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
