So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
