I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
