After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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