I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dont even know how to be here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
