before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
