i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
