At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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