I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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