This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
