i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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