My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
