do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
