had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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