This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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