kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
