Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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