This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
