My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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