Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
