You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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