if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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