Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
