I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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