i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
