last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
