Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
