maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
