remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
