Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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