It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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