i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
