If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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