The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
