i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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