she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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