And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
