Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
