So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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