the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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