just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
