im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize