I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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