so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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