I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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