I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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