I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
