Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
