We're facebook friends in real life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
