Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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