i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
