and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
