capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
