ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
