if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
