they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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