Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
