You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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